They are difficult and destructive - a person in your small group, a high-school friend or a family member. You cringe as their name appears on the screen of your cell phone. You have tried to help them grow in their faith, but every time you make an attempt it ends up consuming more of your own energies as they strain your emotional health, time, and capacity for love.
So, the battleground is set. The last time you talked unfortunate words were said, feelings were hurt and now the relationship is limping along and with its current pace will be crippled at best. How do you move forward?
I have faced a couple of these “relationships” in the last few months. I struggle every time I meet with them. I do not know what to say or do and the hardest part is that these people claim to know Christ. Yet, their actions are causing quite a wake in the lives of those they interact with.
Until recently, I thought that their problems were their own, however, over the past few weeks God has gently nudged me with the words of Matthew 18: If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone….I counter with my pseudo-exegetical thought… “Well, what did Christ really mean here? Within the historical, philosophical context he meant…”
No. It means if you brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault. (Funny how God isn’t humored by my arguments.)
So, I prepare to go, but how? What should I say? Will I be nervous? I always seem to say the wrong thing. As I began to run through this list of insecurities God has remained faithful over the last two weeks and supplied the right information to prepare and equip me.
I have talked with other women who are having the same experiences. We’ve discussed and shared thoughts. And, He’s put the right materials and scripture in place for me to think on. Two of the resources I would like to share with you (I will also add them to the education section on left):
http://www.leslievernick.com/pdfs/How%20to%20Interact%20with%20a%20Destructive%20Person.pdf
http://www.dts.edu/media/play/?MediaItemID=ece4b8e2-00d1-4c3c-9810-fb3d250ddba6&audio=true
I thought both of these would be helpful for us as wives preparing for ministry because as I am sure our mentors can testify to, there is no lack of emotionally struggling people with unhealthy habits to care for in the ministry. However, as with any challenge, we must remember to go in love because our lives often have emotionally rough spots too. And with that thought, I’ll close with a quote from one of the articles:
Remember, one of the surest signs of your own emotional and spiritual growth and maturity is that you no longer retaliate when someone hurts you or does wrong to you. One of the most natural things we feel when someone hurts us is to want vengeance or respond to evil with more evil of our own. But Jesus specifically commands us to respond radically differently than our natural selves would. He calls us to love our enemies and do them good, not harm.
