Intimacy In Marriage
Mrs. Smith, one part of Moody's beloved team-teaching duo who is always lively (and occasionally sassy) began her talk by asking us what we thought when we heard that the topic for this week SWF's meeting was going to be intimacy. If you weren't there, you can only imagine all of the varied responses to a question like that. While the evening began with giggles and the occasional blush, by the end we were left with only the sacrificial, vulnerable, and honesty beauty that is intimacy. Here's what that looks like.
To begin, Mrs. Smith read from 1 Corinthians 7.
"Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: 'It is good for a man not to have sexual relationships with a woman.' But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, expect perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
What she taught us from this passage can be described as countercultural. Our western individualized society often embraces the pervasive message that our bodies are our own and we may do with them as we see fit. However, even a surface level reading of this passage reveals that is simply not the case. But rather, our husbands have authorities over our bodies just as we do theirs. Both husband and wives are to submit to the other and yield their bodies. Mrs. Smith says, "It is impossible to live for yourself and have a good marriage."
A second point needing attention from this passage is verse 5. "...So that Satan may not tempt you..." Satan will try to attack the marriage bed because of how vital it is to a strong marriage demonstrating the holy metaphor of Christ and the Church. If he is unable to win you over through the everyday annoyances and troubles of life he will attack the intimacy in your marriage. Cultivating a healthy and sacrificial intimacy is crucial for the safeguarding of your marriage. Deprivation is an invitation to attack.
Although all of us may know these principles it can be difficult to pursue them, especially when the going gets tough. Mrs. Smith reminded us from a counseling perspective that we as humans have control over our emotions. We get to choose how we respond to waves of our emotions as opposed to being ruled by them. This is particularly helpful when we may be angry before going to bed and are perfectly content to roll over and face the opposite direction despondently getting our points across. However, Scripture again writes to us to not let the sun go down on our anger (Eph. 4:26). So what can we do? We can choose to put our anger on the shelf for the night. Even if the day has been horrible and perhaps there is or was an argument, it is our choice to let the walls come down between us and come together at the end of the day. This could mean either dropping the issue entirely and waking in the morning with a fresh perspective to realize just how petty it was, or bringing it up at a later time to be discussed. She asked this insightful question to us, "Are you willing to risk being misunderstood in order to follow the commands of Scripture?" Again, this goes against our way of thinking but ultimately as followers of Christ a paradigm shift is in order. Christ is constantly challenging our ways of thinking.
In closing, she offered a handout with an acronym of how to have a G.R.E.A.T. sex life.
G- gratitude
Everyday we thank God. God always know where we're at in the life and knows the challenges we may be facing in our marriages regarding intimacy and any other things.
R- rest
"Our rest in Christ is a barometer for our human relationships." Are you resting in the Lord?
Also, get some sleep!
E- exercise
Exercise your minds and have intellectual conversations and pursuits individually and with your husband.
Exercise your bodies and work hard to make your husband feel like you care about your appearance because you love him. (Your husband doesn't care what size, height, etc. you are necessarily but just that he is worth the effort of looking nice for.)
A- attitude
Think about your attitude towards the bedroom. How is it? Why might it be that way? Consider how that can be fine-tuned.
T- time
See time spent with your husband as time spent with your best friend who loves you and wants to get to know you.
As you can see intimacy in marriage is so, so important. Without that element we risk allowing Satan a foothold in our marriage and with it we grow more deeply in love with our best friend. Admittedly this is a tough area. There are many wonderful books and resources out there to offer words of wisdom. At the bottom of this page are a book and also a website you can check out to help with this area. Also, when able come to student wives and grow along with us as we learn what it is to live in such a way that when people see our marriages they want to know Christ.
Until then,
Amy
Resources:
Book: "Sheet Music" by Kevin Leman
Website: authenticintimacy.com
A second point needing attention from this passage is verse 5. "...So that Satan may not tempt you..." Satan will try to attack the marriage bed because of how vital it is to a strong marriage demonstrating the holy metaphor of Christ and the Church. If he is unable to win you over through the everyday annoyances and troubles of life he will attack the intimacy in your marriage. Cultivating a healthy and sacrificial intimacy is crucial for the safeguarding of your marriage. Deprivation is an invitation to attack.
Although all of us may know these principles it can be difficult to pursue them, especially when the going gets tough. Mrs. Smith reminded us from a counseling perspective that we as humans have control over our emotions. We get to choose how we respond to waves of our emotions as opposed to being ruled by them. This is particularly helpful when we may be angry before going to bed and are perfectly content to roll over and face the opposite direction despondently getting our points across. However, Scripture again writes to us to not let the sun go down on our anger (Eph. 4:26). So what can we do? We can choose to put our anger on the shelf for the night. Even if the day has been horrible and perhaps there is or was an argument, it is our choice to let the walls come down between us and come together at the end of the day. This could mean either dropping the issue entirely and waking in the morning with a fresh perspective to realize just how petty it was, or bringing it up at a later time to be discussed. She asked this insightful question to us, "Are you willing to risk being misunderstood in order to follow the commands of Scripture?" Again, this goes against our way of thinking but ultimately as followers of Christ a paradigm shift is in order. Christ is constantly challenging our ways of thinking.
In closing, she offered a handout with an acronym of how to have a G.R.E.A.T. sex life.
G- gratitude
Everyday we thank God. God always know where we're at in the life and knows the challenges we may be facing in our marriages regarding intimacy and any other things.
R- rest
"Our rest in Christ is a barometer for our human relationships." Are you resting in the Lord?
Also, get some sleep!
E- exercise
Exercise your minds and have intellectual conversations and pursuits individually and with your husband.
Exercise your bodies and work hard to make your husband feel like you care about your appearance because you love him. (Your husband doesn't care what size, height, etc. you are necessarily but just that he is worth the effort of looking nice for.)
A- attitude
Think about your attitude towards the bedroom. How is it? Why might it be that way? Consider how that can be fine-tuned.
T- time
See time spent with your husband as time spent with your best friend who loves you and wants to get to know you.
As you can see intimacy in marriage is so, so important. Without that element we risk allowing Satan a foothold in our marriage and with it we grow more deeply in love with our best friend. Admittedly this is a tough area. There are many wonderful books and resources out there to offer words of wisdom. At the bottom of this page are a book and also a website you can check out to help with this area. Also, when able come to student wives and grow along with us as we learn what it is to live in such a way that when people see our marriages they want to know Christ.
Until then,
Amy
Resources:
Book: "Sheet Music" by Kevin Leman
Website: authenticintimacy.com
