Deuteronomy 30:19
"I call heaven and earth to witness against
you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse.
Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live."
The above verse is a foundational platform for
great communication.
Key terms defined:
Life=Movement towards someone/something
Death=Stepping away into isolation
Blessing=To add to someone/something
Curse=To subtract
4 keys to great communication working
from that foundation:
1st key- Using a tool to
"supercharge" communication that Solomon and his bride used such
as word pictures. Find creative ways to bless your spouse with spoken word that
will give them high value. (See Song of Solomon 2 for examples)
2nd key- Keeping issues at the fox
level. In Song of Solomon 2:15 the bride urges her beloved to catch the
foxes that are ruining their vineyard while they are still small. In essence,
deal with problems when they first begin and when dealing with them make sure
to deal with the issue and not attack the person or the relationship.
3rd key- Quick
listening as a tool for slowing down arguments. When
working through an issue, be sure to be listening to the other person in order
to best understand the situation. Ask questions like, "What's the small
issue? How does this issue make you feel? What's one solution from your
standpoint?" Questions like this can help in understanding what's
really going on as well as deescalate the situation. However, if you still
cannot reach an agreement, be okay with thinking and praying about it for a
while before you reach a conclusion.
4th key- You must deal with those
moles that can block your ability to really see and value and communicate well
with your loved ones. Many times when we are talking with our spouses we
may be transferring to them feelings we have from our past. It's important to
take time to consider events and people from your past that could be
potentially hindering your relationship. It's helpful to pray about those events/people
as well as discuss them with your spouse to seek forgiveness and
reconciliation on all accounts. It also could be helpful to receive
counseling for an issue you can't seem to overcome out of concern for your
individual health, fairness to your spouse, and health for
your marriage.
With love,
Amy
*Note: The above words written in italics are direct quotations from Dr.
Trent's handout given on 11/5/2015 at Student Wives Fellowship. All other
writing is my own.
